Omerta

hearts..hopes..dreams...
dashed

i wont pretend im alright
cos im not
i wont pretend im happy and cheerful
cos im not
yeah
i have no right to be angry
and im not
but i have all the right in the world
to feel disappointed
and that i am
disappointed cos my pride was hurt?
i dont deny..thats a slight cause
but above all
after setting my
heart on it
it feels like my very soul has been
ripped out
all my dreams
my expectations
all my hard work
to be utterly destroyed
i was thinking of it throughout
the OEP
i was dedicating every breathing moment to it
during training
focusing every thought of mine on it
encouraging
sharing
experiencing
together
as a team
just for it
and in one fell swoop
all.of.it.just.goes.down.the.drain.
sure
say im acting childish
sure
tell me theres 3 and 4/5 years of debates
ahead of me
sure
say that it wasnt because of us
you can say/do whatever you want
but it wont change a thing
i own a right to be disappointed
and im using it now.

and you
you despicable creature
i can't believe I of all people
was so gullible
as to actually defend you
now and then
i clench my teeth
when i think of how
naively
i tried to understand
to sympathise
to ENDURE
and here you go
SPEAKING ON OUR BEHALF?
did anyone say you could?
do you know how we feel?
just shooting off your mouth like that?
how INCREDIBLY
wrong i've been about you
i thought there
was
a SOMETHING
i could work with
SOMETHING
that could be saved
but you've betrayed
us
we ACCEPTED you
and this is the way we are repaid?
the christian thing to do
is just bite on a piece of wood
and try again
but im not that holy
sure
i'll try
but you do that just one more time
and i tell you.
you're finished.



well
im back from OEP
it was kinda boring
but sorta got better towards the end
haha
here are some..comments
or shoutouts?

william-you.are. sick. you REALLY need help. and you stop it about your crap pork lah!

justin-KNOCK IT DOWN! IN FRONT OF THE BALL!

ian- youre illegal. get out of singapore.

s.eng-haha, watch that shirt yah?
the local girls really like you!

reubens-arsenal rocks!

haha
yeah
desaru was a great class bonding experience
i wont forget it anytime soon!

bitter, distraught, disappointed.....sad

posted by S @ Saturday, January 17, 2004