Omerta

the things that i want

to hold you in my arms and watch the stars
to be fit
to be fast
to play in match under school colours
to debate
to go to spain
to buy a spanish guitar
to be a flamenco master
to forget all about you and all that crap
to live
to die
to sleep
aye theres the rub
sleep

i wonder
a wandering wonder
i thought
a haughty thought

giving up again
theres no point in continuing
in this
the best of my life
and also the worst
no point
i choose rather
to stay in stasis
neither here nor there
forever lingering high above
watching
waiting
but not feeling
like that silent watcher
without joy
without faith
without love even
but retaining hope
a hope that dies as the days go by
that slowly dies
till nothing is left
but a shell
an appearance of strength
of deadly effiency
and startling brilliance
but a shell nonetheless

have yourself a merry little christmas

im not in love
its just a phase that im going through
im always looking for something new

again it attacks
vicously and unrelenting
but this time im fighting
the horrible disease
perhaps even winning

"hmm"
"hit?"
"double it"
"alright"
"20"
"21"
"damn"


what a mess
what a mess
an awful mess

defeat you
crush you
annihilate you
and all the rest

why do i even bother?
why do i try?
why do i delude myself that its what i really want?
or that its what they want as well?
they dont
i dont
so i have no idea why i STILL TRY
and never convert that try into something more

"well now"
"change"
"two"
"here"
" two pair"
"flush"
"ah well"

what drives?
passion
what sort?
anger
to what extent?
hate
thats nice

one summer day
i lost my heart
it rolled across the table
across the canteen
right into the carparks
past the cabins
into acsi
through the boardroom
out 2.11's window
down on the grass
and away over the hills
will you help me find it?
no?
i thought not.

fie fi fo fum
i smell the blood of a
waffles bun

round and round the widening gyro
things fall apart
the centre cannot hold

fandhi to ahmad
ahmad to fandhi
fandhi to ahmad
ahmad to fandhi
and oh what a brilliant goal

"there"
"interesting..what about this"
"check"
"checkmate"
"not again"

once my friend boey looked out the window
he saw me walking on the path
and shouted out
"i see a cheam"
i smiled.

once my friend william bumped into me
he didnt say sorry
just
"*&^$^*%()$*@($*@)$"
i smiled.

once my friend gunawan brought a condom
he blew up in class
and shouted
"s***"
i smiled.

once my enemy betrayed me
he killed me oh so cruelly
yelling
"hooray"
i smiled.

could i have you?
no? why not?
a year?
whats a year to my..
ah.
i see.
so you think that way.
as you wish.

i return to the fields
spurned and laughed at
i return to the floor
ridiculed and mocked
i return to my post
insulted and scolded
i return to class
abused and cajoled
i return home
nagged and shouted
i return to ******
lost and disillusioned



long nonsense

posted by S @ Monday, May 10, 2004