Omerta

youre just too good to be true
cant take my eyes of you.
but i have to
staring, is after all, rude.

stand in black tomorrow
lousy woodward
blaming his failure on unfairness and foul play
pah
easy to say
talk is cheap.
kia mau.



may i?

so im actually editing this
3 years later
so no one sees this
the year is 2008
and like 2005
and 2006
and 2007
july is a shitty month for me
im up 3am
still crying
im so weak i know
i dont shed a tear for 12 years
and it seems like ill be crying for 12 hours to make up for it
what hurts the most now
is the idea of never
all the things ill never be able to do
and it hurts the most because shes different from all the others
i knew for the rest
it wasnt going to last
and i look back and i know i never loved them
how can you love someone you dont know?
and in the space of one night
ive gone from denial to anger to bargaining
and im at depression now
stage 4 of grief
i can cry on command now
boy wouldnt some actors kill to have that ability
everythings just so empty now
more so than the loss after jgs
and i really have no one to turn to
in the past year
every time i really felt down
for one reason or another
all i really wanted to do was to be near her
but she doesnt want that i guess
and now when it hurts the most
i have no one to turn to
not God
i am dead to Him in sin
paul and my other friends are there for me
but its just different
its so pathetic
really
ive made everything in my life for the past year
dependent on her
and so no
i dont know what it means to be held
to be told that its alright
i give myself till sunday
this is the sucky thing see
i cant afford to spend weeks in agony and torment
not at this critical time
better now than at the end of the year i suppose

goodbye

posted by S @ Saturday, July 02, 2005